By Pamodi Galagoda

Danushka Gunathilaka, the Sri Lankan batter or better known as “Danny” was arrested and charged with 4 counts of sexual assault and now after being granted bail, is banned from Tinder, the hook-up app, and other social media platforms while awaiting trial in Australia. Yet, news reports have indicated earlier this month that “wealthy” Sri Lankans in Australia are rallying round to support him. His loyal fans remain, and Sri Lankans, not just cricket fans, on social media continue to defend his actions by pointing out that the girl is culpable, responsible, even orchestrated the alleged rape for financial gain.

While we wait for the case and trail to reveal the facts, let’s examine how this incident once more has brought into focus our “asking for it” culture. Yes, “she was asking for it” or she needs to “get over it, not like it’s the first time.” How are women’s voices this invalidated?

One of the main ways our ideologies are crafted is through our environment. Our surroundings are what help us understand the way the world works from an early age. So this need to control a woman physically, mentally and emotionally, is something men and boys learn quickly in Sri Lanka. Sri Lankan culture is built on patriarchy. A system that views men superior than women. We know this. To this day do we see a difference between “woman” and “object”? Ask any woman or girl that looks old enough, if she has been objectified and the answer will always be YES. It is a universal experience for women and girls in Sri Lanka. In fact, no matter what country you come from, in Sri Lanka, this is the woman’s experience. Not a great advertisement for a country that is looking for tourism to bolster our fractured economy. We may not be all choked physically, but every day, because patriarchy and power go hand-in-hand, we are emotionally and mentally choked. We can’t breathe.

What needs to change?

“It happened in Australia, so it won’t be easy for him this time” was said by many. Why was it easy for him in Sri Lanka? Why is it easy for every man and boy to harass and objectify women and girls in Sri Lanka? From being handsy in the bus to being raped while dying, Sri Lankan women have faced it all. Are these incidents even taken seriously? A local policeman in the Kurunegala district recently told a woman who was harassed that he cannot write down the allegations as there isn’t enough paper to record her statement… We live in a society that readily accepts violence in relationships, sexual and physical, as common, necessary, and even normal. This is what we as children and young people have learnt from the adults around us. It is our culture. Men cannot control themselves. Men cannot control their anger. Men cannot control their penises. Generation after generation have accepted this.

And the media… when national news speaks on the matter of rape as something sweet to colorize the day, where do we women stand? How can fathers say these things are normal with their daughters sitting right next to them? The media has the power and the responsibility to change these stone-age perceptions of us, but the media has taken us for granted. The country has taken us for granted. Men and boys have taken us for granted. And evidence suggests that we are there to be taken…

So where does hope live? Education. Teaching a child is simpler than teaching an adult. But to teach a child that NO means NO, we need adults that believe this to be true. To teach a boy that he is not entitled to do as he pleases with a girl, we need adults who behave as such. Where are these adults? When will the adults that run the National Institute of Education wake up to the real needs of our children and make sure that we have child protection education in schools? Isn’t it ridiculous that we still don’t tell our children how to protect themselves from those who would abuse them? How many incidents of child abuse and child sexual abuse will it take? Clearly 947 cases of sexual harassment, 123 cases of rape and 246 cases of grave sexual abuse in 2021 are still not enough.

Now that we’ve become adults, our generation, will change come, or will what we learnt at the feet of our parents prevail?

[Image Credit: The Hindu]