Earlier this year we shared the following post asking women who had experiences with vaginismus to share their stories with us.
This is one such story.
Last year, I attempted to have sex (with my boyfriend at the time) for the time and it was unbelievably painful. Prior to this I had never received any penetration in the vagina either by finger or tampon. We tried multiple times, both sex and also using fingers and it was still painful despite me being very lubricated. I didn’t understand what was happening so I told some of my friends and they all suggested that it was natural the first few times you have sex and that I should keep trying. I did, it was still unbearably painful and didn’t induce pleasure for me or my boyfriend to watch me in that much pain so we stopped trying. I assumed that perhaps it was the lack of experience on both our parts and nervousness; also, clitoral stimulation was satisfying enough for me and my partner was understanding. At this point I realized that something is perhaps wrong because the pain I was describing was unfamiliar to my friends who had ‘lost their virginity’ and had been having sex for some time. Such prolonged pain, unaffiliated with the hymen breaking was almost unheard of.
Months later, I attempted to have sex with a partner that was very experienced, in a setting that was more relaxed than I’d ever have, and when my mind was fully at peace void of any nervousness. I still encountered the same pain on multiple occasions. And the same with a different partner months later, using lube, being in a comfortable space, etc.
It was only recently that a friend of mine came across an instagram post that described my condition and the term vaginismus. He sent it to me and as I researched about it the symptoms seemed to match almost exactly. I didn’t look too much into it fearing an inaccurate self-diagnosis so when I came back to Sri Lanka I visited a gynecologist. I didn’t feel comfortable talking about my sex life with a male doctor who my family was friends with due to the conservative nature of our circle so I told him I want to start using tampons for hygiene purposes but every time I have tried it has hurt immensely. He asked me if I was married and when I said no he said I ‘shouldn’t be putting anything up there’ until I’m married so not to worry about it and use pads for the next few years. He was serious and refused to discuss the issue with me even after I said I insist on using tampons.
The experience has been humiliating and exhausting. Every time I meet someone I am interested in ‘hooking up’ with I have to explain my ‘issue’ and describe that I’m willing to have sex, but my body just won’t let me. Similarly, when I ask for a pad and someone offers a tampon, I feel the need to explain why I can’t use it. It is a truly tiring tale to tell.
I’m still unsure if vaginismus is what I have but I would love to talk to people experiencing similar pain. I have spoken to innumerable people about this and no one has known about it prior to my story.
What is Vaginismus?
Vaginismus is a condition involving a muscle spasm in the pelvic floor muscles. It can make it painful, difficult, or impossible to have sexual intercourse, to undergo a gynecological exam, and to insert a tampon.
When you try to insert an object such as a tampon, penis or speculum into the vagina, it tightens up because of an involuntary contraction of the pelvic floor muscles.
This leads to generalized muscle spasm, pain and temporary cessation of breathing. The most common muscle group affected is the pubococcygeus (PC) muscle group. These muscles are responsible for urination, intercourse, orgasm, bowel movements and childbirth. Without treatment, it can lead to frustration and distress, and it may get worse. However, treatment is possible.
What are the Symptoms of Vaginismus?
They may include:
- painful intercourse (dyspareunia), with tightness and pain that may be burning or stinging
- penetration being difficult or impossible
- long-term sexual pain with or without a known cause
- pain during tampon insertion
- pain during a gynecological examination
- generalized muscle spasm or breathing cessation during attempted intercourse
Pain can range from mild to severe in nature and from discomfort to burning in sensation.
Vaginismus does not prevent people from becoming sexually aroused, but they may become anxious about sexual intercourse, so that they try to avoid sex or vaginal penetration.
How Can Vaginismus Be Treated?
To diagnose vaginismus, a doctor will take a medical history and carry out a pelvic examination. Treatment may involve different specialists, depending on the cause. Any possible underlying causes, such as an infection, may need to be ruled out or treated first, before focusing on the vaginismus.
The aim of treatment will be to reduce the automatic tightening of the muscles and the fear of pain, and to deal with any other type of fear that may be related to the problem.