By Rashika Fazali​

Image Credit: Free Pik

I want to rename our country to Sexist Sri Lanka. Gender stereotyping is prevalent in every aspect of our Lankan life. From birth until death, we have assigned characteristics and principles, therein discriminating one sex over the other. Maternity and paternity leave is one such thing in Sri Lanka.

By not necessitating paternity leave, we have enforced the wellbeing of a baby to its mother, implying that the care of a baby is primarily a mother’s responsibility. So, where does the father come in this equation? Technically, he was always part of it from the very beginning – from the day both individuals decided to have a baby. But why is it that we don’t give importance to fathers in bringing up his child? Why is paternity leave not implemented in Sri Lanka? And why do we continue to believe that a baby’s responsibility lies with its mother?

Biologically, human babies live inside their mother for nine months, forming a deep attachment and relying on their mother for everything. When babies come into this world, that attachment only deepens, and the baby continues to rely on its mother for food and warmth. So, we understand that the attachment towards its mother is a little deeper and stronger, but this does not mean that the baby doesn’t recognize its father. Talking to your baby in the womb is necessary for the baby’s development, and it’s required for both the mother and the father to speak with their baby in the womb. This means that the baby does recognize its father once it comes out, and therefore cannot just be the mother’s responsibility. But we shouldn’t base the responsibility just because he acknowledges his father by his voice.

Since society from millennials ago have attached baby caring to its mother on a basic level, the state doesn’t recognize the need for paternity leave. Looking after children is considered a feminine role because it comes under nurturing, which women are good at. However, that does not mean males cannot be nurturers. It does not or shouldn’t even be assigned to a gender, but we should instead make it a human principle. If we decide to have a child, we also choose to take on the responsibility of bringing up the child. That responsibility falls on both parties – the parents. Fathers are not babysitters for their children; they are co-parents, an adult fully responsible for their child’s physical, mental, and emotional wellbeing. Looking after them is their duty, and we don’t mean through the act of earning for them (which is often the excuse that the majority of the men in the country use to justify why they don’t help out at home and look after their child), but also doing the necessary actions of changing their nappies, spending quality time, caring and teaching their child.

For generations, fathers have only grazed the surface in terms of childcare, not understanding that their role is much more significant and life-altering. To raise a child and help develop them into virtuous adults, providing them with basic needs such as food, water, shelter, and clothes isn’t enough. If you want them to be loving, caring, and understanding, you have to show them love, care, and teach them how to be understanding. If you want your child to respect men and women, you have to lead by example and, most importantly, guide them in understanding how to be respectable human beings. And we know this through science, through the social learning theory – children model their behaviour from their parents and those adults they look upon. This massive responsibility cannot only be shouldered by the mother. We have to understand that you don’t become a mother or a father by just giving birth or partaking in the baby-making process. Still, you become one by taking on the responsibility, caring, and loving the baby.

That’s why organizations like UNICEF are keen on shifting this mentality through parental awareness campaigns through websites like betterparenting.lk, which give out expert information and advice in English, Sinhala, and Tamil on child care, child development, nutrition, and health. The most important gift you can give your child is to have two good parents keen on helping their child develop well. Research has shown that fathers are vital for child growth, emphasizing improving a child’s social competence, performance, and emotion regulation. World Vision has also introduced a MenCare Project designed to foster and encourage fathers to be more involved with their partners and children for a good and balanced life.

Fathers of yesterday and today

Today’s men are much different from our forefathers. Fathers of yesterday who believed that a child’s care and wellbeing is the mother’s responsibility are additional to the fathers of today who are more accepting of their original role; to father is to care and be responsible for their child’s development. The Parenting Index 2021 report (sample of 8945 mothers and fathers in 16 countries) revealed that 62% believed that fathers in this generation are more involved and active in childcare than their predecessors. Still, only 49% believed that those responsibilities are shared equally between mothers and fathers. As much as we applaud fathers today for realising their role, change is not swift and easy. Breaking down much-held beliefs on stereotypes takes decades of understanding and conditioning.

Unfortunately for Sri Lanka, though, the public sector offers fathers only three days of paternity leave. In comparison, maternity leave is limited to 12 weeks which equals 84 days (Maternity Benefits (Amendment) Act, No 15 of 2018) regardless of working in the private or public sector. However, for fathers working in the private sector, there is no such thing as paternity leave. Still, fathers would take leave under their annual or casual leave as Sri Lanka as a whole does not have any provision for paternity leave. If we don’t recognize that children are the responsibility of both parents, how do we realize that paternity leave is essential? This results in workplace discrimination because employers become reluctant to hire women as maternity leave benefits are a cost incurred by the company. But by not facilitating paternity leave, we push the importance of men in workplaces and reduce the chance for women finding work opportunities. This argument takes a 360 degree, and we find ourselves back at the age-old saying that earning money is a man’s role. Equal leave for mothers and fathers would solve this issue and force companies to hire men and women.

Some companies such as Standard Chartered Bank are more understanding of the need for paternity leave – fathers get up to 2 weeks of paternity leave which is a massive stride from 3 days in the public sector and leave taken out of existing leave in private sectors. Yet, the journey to equal maternity and paternity leave is long and arduous and something we cannot accomplish without a complete change in mindsets and perspectives. In the case of Ascentic, a Swedish tech company with an office in Sri Lanka, they became the first corporate in Sri Lanka to introduce a 4-month paternity leave, giving equal leave to both mothers and fathers.

Pushing for paternity leave will also give fathers more time to bond with their children while also helping out their spouses, which may reduce the possibility of mothers falling into depression. Research shows that 1 in 7 women are prone to postpartum depression in the first year after birth. In Asia, the numbers go beyond 65% in new mothers. The first few weeks are crucial that not having your spouse’s help may make you more prone to depression. But once again, in Sri Lanka, we don’t seriously recognize depression as an illness, so how can we explain the need for paternity leave in our nation?