By Rashika Fazali

Image Credit: Amantha Perera/IPS

The hierarchy of gender has existed longer than you, your mother, your grandmother, and even your great-grandmother. This is universal; Countries that have achieved gender equality fought for them for decades. But still, in other parts of the world, women are treated as second-class citizens: women are owned by someone. They are regarded as property. They lack intelligence, says who? The patriarchy. Why? Because this is a man’s world.

If you’re a man, and you’re reading this, I’m not against you. I’m against the ideology that man is always superior to a woman and therefore can do anything. It’s also the priority that I detest. There are indeed certain jobs that a man would do better like mechanics and jobs that women would do better such as nursing, but it doesn’t mean either can try or at least have the option of pursuing any field. Just like Sirimavo Bandaranaike became a champion in a man’s field with politics. Although her descent to politics has everything to do with the assassination of her husband, her appointment gave the notion that Sri Lankan women indeed had more legal status in Sri Lankan especially since we were progressive enough to elect the world’s first female prime minister. But it was a charade or rather that no one could capture the big picture in those times.

Despite all of this, things started changing over time. Reforms took place and certain laws about women changed such as being able to act as guardians for minors involved in litigation. However, these little accidental changes overlooked big issues for women such as for those in the ethnic group, Tesawalamai. These women were not allowed to make business transactions without the consent of their husbands. Banks would request a copy of the husband’s consent to process transactions.

In Robert Knox’s book – An Historical Relation Of The Island Ceylon –, he noted the difference in women’s treatment. E.g. a woman no matter her stature was not allowed to sit on a stool in the presence of a man. Women were also seen and are still prevalent in our communities as a man’s property. In his book, he details how a newly married man walks behind his wife to avoid anyone stealing her as if she is a prized horse. Another example was marriage amongst ranks. Females couldn’t marry anyone below their rank. Death was the answer and the only way to remove this mark of dishonor upon the family. Males had a much fairer punishment. Also in the 1600s Sri Lanka, menstruating women were deemed as unclean, so impure that her house is considered polluted during that time. No one would dream of visiting her or approaching her house during those days.

Societal Pressures

Women have received such a bad reputation and not even through their doing. Society has placed myths and beliefs about women. At a Sisterhood Initiative meeting held in August, many women spoke about the societal pressures in family, marriage, and work most often instigated by blind beliefs established in society. E.g. some girls were not allowed to choose the field they wanted to study in because parents controlled education, and cited safety as a concern and working late as bringing dishonor to a woman’s reputation and family. Living according to societal standards rather than for one’s happiness is the primary cause of most issues in Sri Lanka be it, man or woman. Some mothers even pressurize their children to conduct their marriage according to parents’ standards, dictating what their children should or should not wear while others push their daughters to continue living in an abusive marriage just to uphold the family’s reputation in public.

Puberty and Menstruation

When it comes to “attending age” i.e. reaching puberty, the cultural Sri Lankan belief is to hide the girl away from any man (besides her father and brothers) from 7 to 14 days. Why is this done? No one knows. After a set number of days in isolation, the girl will go through some ritualistic procedures This entire drama ends with a party where announcements are made regarding the girl’s walk of life into womanhood. To make matters worse, as much as a girl’s puberty calls for celebration, menstruation is still seen as impure. Some religions or cultures do not allow women to attend temples, mosques, or kovils or take part in religious practices. However, the context here depends on how it’s looked at: either women aren’t allowed to partake in religious practices or they are exempted from performing certain tasks or fulfilling obligations as a relief. That is up for debate.

What about the myths and beliefs surrounding menstruation blood? Some Sri Lankans believe that “menstruation makes women prone to demonic possession…”. In other words, some women are likely to have mood swings before or during menstruation, and this change in behavior has been modeled in Sri Lankan folklore as being possessed by demons. On another note, it also shows the lack of understanding of hormone fluctuation before and during menstruation. According to the analysis of teachers and girls in the Kalutara District of Knowledge, Attitudes, and Practices study 2015, 60% of teachers believed that menstruating blood is impure while 80% believed that menstruating women should avoid bathing.

What I also do not understand is this shame associated with period blood. Doesn’t the monthly blood indicate that a woman is not pregnant? This is a sign of relief for unmarried women and women who don’t want to have children. So how can this be a shameful thing? And how is seeing blood from a wound any different from seeing period blood? For an in-depth read, check out this article. 

Virginity

With that in mind, we also have to note that Sri Lanka places high regard for a woman’s virginity. In some cultures, the groom’s parents and relatives wait for proof of blood on the marital sheets to confirm a woman’s virginity. Not only is it highly uncomfortable for the girl, but it also places a lot of stress on her. Think about this: what happens if you don’t have a hymen which is what usually tears and contributes to bleeding some of the time? According to the Family Planning Association, around 20 to 25% of girls are born without a hymen. Does this mean that if a virgin doesn’t bleed on her wedding night, she is not a virgin? Or what if her body is built in such a way that she doesn’t bleed after losing her virginity? Every woman’s body is different. Some bleed after losing their virginity, some don’t, and that’s not an indication of one’s virginity.

Moreover, a woman’s hymen can be easily stretched through the use of tampons and engaging in vigorous activities. Some are born with an imperforate hymen – the skin covers the opening of the vagina and surgical procedures are performed to allow for an opening. Does this make a woman impure and dishonorable? And why is a woman’s honor placed in her vagina? To be honest, as the world goes, society doesn’t place any value on a man’s virginity. He could have many sexual relations, and no one would question or care. People would praise a man for sleeping with many women as if it’s some kind of achievement. However, if a woman has pre-marital sexual relations, she is immediately considered impure and having the wantonness characteristic in her.

Marriage

Next, we delve into the union of two persons. In Sri Lanka, in the final phase of the Esala Perehara which goes on for seven days at the Maha Vishnu Devale, people from all over the country travel to this location to offer and make vows by tying knots on the tail of the Yakdessa’s headgear. Many mothers bring their daughters to this ritual in the hope of finding a husband. We see the depiction of women and their purpose as being wives. In our society, nothing is more prestigious than giving a daughter in marriage. A woman’s entire existence boils down to marriage. Sinhalese folklore yet contributes to what is good and bad in life. They believe that different spirits inflict diseases and poverty. Kalu Kumaraya is responsible for the delayed conception, childbirths and puerperal infections, and postnatal depression. Moreover, Kalu Kumaraya affects virgins the most. When I was much younger, some of the things people would say were: don’t fry sweetmeats after dark, don’t eat oily things outside because the devil might get you. This is a Sri Lankan thing.

Due to the lack of knowledge and increasing poverty, many Sri Lankans continue to believe in the supernatural powers of spirits and the kattadiyas ability to get rid of evil, often using people’s fears and ignorance to exploit them. The more people that believe in these myths, the easier it is for them to exploit and control these believers. I believe that is how most myths and beliefs about women were born.

For the Sri Lankan parent, finding a match for their daughter is hard enough, but when it comes to dowry, it gets harder. The dowry is a system where parent’s properties are transferred to the daughter and her husband in an act of goodwill, is mainly created to safeguard women, their independence and enhance their standard of living, but dowry today has changed into a new model where the groom’s family demands for money, property, etc for their son. In some cases, it’s pure extortion in return for a husband for their daughter.

Family

We’ve known for years that patriarchy governs Sri Lanka where males make all the decisions. Society portraits women as inferiors through the responsibilities assigned to women who are engaging in household activities, childcare, and looking after the elderly. This has changed slowly over the years especially in urban areas where men too involve themselves in household activities easing the burden for working mothers while in rural areas, working women were still expected to fulfill their main obligations at home. Also seen in most Sri Lankan households, the food is served first to the man, then to the sons and daughters. The mother eats last.

The problem is that men believe that household activities and looking after the family are menial and unimportant work where one doesn’t have to exert so much energy or isn’t detrimental to their lives while men’s work is considered important and essential because their work is heavy and tedious. But looking after the family and engaging in household activities is vital to good family life as well.

Another area where women are restricted and also helps in perceiving them as inferiors is in the socialization process. Women are shielded from interaction for their safety while men are allowed to roam around and speak freely. This level of shielding slows a woman’s growth mentally, and intellectually, having no proper sense of what is right or wrong due to less or no exposure to the big world; The idea behind this treatment being ‘a woman should be protected by a man’, hence why the birth of a boy is seen as a blessing while the birth of a girl is looked upon as the result of sins committed in a previous birth.

Working women

We cannot forget the gender disparity when it comes to the professional field. Some companies do not like to hire women especially married women due to the biological aspect of a woman. Most people believe that every woman’s duty and obligation is to bear children. Once they give birth, they become entitled to 3 months of maternity leave (Section 3 of Chapter 140) which means that someone else is assigned to do that job until she comes back. At the same time, it doesn’t help that society has a certain view of women – women deemed as emotional and fragile creatures thanks to gender stereotyping, and then you also have women themselves building and living within their boundaries leaving higher managerial roles to men. Even worse, decades of conditioning have led women to believe that ‘they are weak, sensitive and unable to handle sophisticated tasks’. This is another reason why society believes jobs such as nursing, teaching, sewing, etc. are good jobs for women as they fall more into the household-chores work and developed through household activities. What’s even more shocking is that we have a high female education output, but it is not translating into work. Some reasons that contribute to low female labor force participation are:

• Paid care vs unpaid care work: if a woman is a stay-at-home mother, she can look after the children and elderly without incurring any cost, but if she is a working mother, wages must be allocated to the domestic help.
• Education: Women are encouraged to study, but discouraged in employment. The curriculum may also be at fault. If gender stereotypes, attitudes, and practices are reinforced in school & university education, it may leave most women demotivated to find work. Further, the gendered approach of pushing females to study feminine subjects and males to masculine subjects could be another reason why we see fewer women in science and technology fields.
• Marriage: some families don’t want the woman to work or study further. So they leave their dreams behind to attend to family matters in hopes of not losing her husband and reputation.

A huge weight is placed on a woman. Every single thing she does is scrutinized, but I say no more. It’s time we let women be whoever they want to be, doing things they love, and living a life they desire.